... its how you recover when things fail that counts..

I posted this in Facebook just today.

It is a gist of two life changing events that were supposed to happen but did not.

Two things failed.

First is my application to be an instructor in my Alma Mater did not materialize. I was assured by the Dept Head but suddenly things started to turn against me.

I tendered my resignation with high hopes of a better future not just for me but for my son, and maybe kids to come...

Which leads to the second yet more painful downfall.My failure to conceive. We have been on this fertility work up, though we were on our first cycle, I have kept my hopes high, because we have prayed and prayed so hard for another bundle of joy yet this seem to be something out of our reach.

I could not yet fathom God's plan but all I can do now is keep still and let God be in control.

It has been a struggle for me to come to work everyday. Not because I didn't want to come to work but because of domestic reasons. It's one of the many reasons that I just want to be home with my son. But none of it is going the way I planned.

I guess my plans are not in consonance with God's plan. And maybe even if it is, it is not the proper time. I succumb to God's greatness and power over all that is around me.

You O Lord know everything and will always be in control of my life. To you I give back all the honor and glory.

Villa Navarro, Caba, La Union

Been here before. This place really brought me back to that day in 2004.
Love the sunset!!!

I am amazed at how God has sustained me through this week. My unit has been unmanned since early July this year and I am practically performing double functions. Like wearing two hats for that matter. Despite of it all, I have managed to survive, with little difficulty here and there.

But this week, I can say is the toughest. As I prepare my report for the agency I work with, I also have deadlines to beat with this new client. And so I work my bones hard during my regular work hours, and have to stay up late at night to cope with my new client's demands. And I am not at all mazed. I am still alert during the day where I also have to manage and coach 2 subordinates.

The best part of it? No terrible migraine attacks and no blood pressure surges! So I am able to accomplish a good deal. I am also still able to put my son to sleep at night before I work in the evening. He sleeps late, which means, I can only start working at night when my son sleeps. I pray that this won't take its toll! I know it is God who has given me the strength to do all this, and I return to Him all the Glory.

Amazing really, how God works in my life. I shall not want!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I did! I submitted my report. It took I while before I ever got any feedback from my boss. I still am waiting to see the results and I am hoping it would be in the best interest of everybody.

I truly am blessed! My God is greater than my problems and struggles! There is nothing I shall want.

My case is nearing the end and I still pray that it will be in my favor.

I am anxious about my new project. I feel I can't cope with its demands but I pray that I will be able to. I have a feeling this could be the start of something big and could pave my exit in this office!!

unfair deal

I don't know how much longer I can stand this place!
There are people who get away with their anomalous acts.
I mean, they can do whatever they want with government property, get found out, and yet, they get away with it!

Sounds like I'm sour graping, I know but damn! I know, I am innocent with their charges. I know, I didn't break any rules. We had a very transparent activity, and this is what I get!

And yet, here comes these people, who sell government property with out undergoing the necessary procdures, and keep the money and got away with it!

I don't know, leave it be to their consciences! I don't care anymore. All I wanna do now is leave this rotten office! It really sucks!!

I have been facing a challenging ordeal in my life lately. My office filed charges against me for participating in public auction for sale of unserviceable properties. I bidded and I won. Not because I was member of the Disposal Committee but because I was highest bidder for some lots. It was a very transparent auction and was even witnessed by our Resident Auditor. The bidded materials awarded to were not used by me but for my brother's house which was at the time of the bidding was under construction.

I was aghast when I received the show cause order asking me and my co -accused (my former boss, and now retired ARD) to explain why we should not be charged of Conduct prejudicial to the best interest of the Government and Acts and Violation of par 3i of the RA 3019.( The Anit -Graft Practices Act). I knew someone had tipped the legal service of the activity. For how could they have known the details when it was infact a regional undertaking. The Central Office would have no knowledge of this activity if no one had hinted the higher ups. I later learned the root of all these and it is disheartening to note that we were merely caught in the middle of a power struggle in this office. Although, it would have not been full blown administrative case, if only people had cooperated and sent only the documents being asked by the legal service. I am also disappointed that there are certain people who go overboard their tasks without consulting the proper people.

I am being alleged unfairly on this matter and I do not feel the support of my superiors. I sense that in this office, I am alone in this battle I am facing.

One person, whom I have trusted so well is the culprit of all these.

First, she said it was ok to just put my name in the bid form. Two reasons, one is because it was done before and another, nowhere can be found in the guidelines state that we as members of the PDAC are prohibited in joining the bidding. Though I had apprehensions then, I obliged. Not realizing that I fell prey to a trap.

Second, the same person also sent all documents to the Central Office without first consulting the PDAC. As mere PDAC secretariat head, she should have secured the instructions of the committee whether or not to send all documents regarding the bidding to the Central Office. The legal service merely requested a copy of the Official Receipts of those who purchased. And in doing so, me and my boss was charged administratively.

In my nearly 8 years stint in civil service, I do believe I am not a neophyte in Government transactions. And yes, I admit, it was really a stupid thing to do. But only because I wanted to help my brother and his family. Little did I guess that such activity will be scrutinized by anybody. Much less, be subjected to an administrative liability. I only have my self to blame for listening to these people who apparently do not know what they are talking about. From now on, I should rely on my own instincts and if in doubt I only consult those whom I know are truly experts, not those self proclaimed. Consulting people in this office especially those who claim to be experts can only give me dishonor. I am an Accountant and for that, I maintain myself to be detached from whatever form of dishonesty. I have never thought that it would be in this agency would my name be tainted and dragged into filth. The issue is trivial and I never intended to prejudice the government and in fairness to me, the auction was done in a very transparent manner. The bidding was in order and I know for a fact that I have not and never would I railroad the proceedings.

The proceedings of this case is lengthy and painstaking.

I stand my ground that the government was never prejudiced by my acts. I the bidded the highest and because of that, it was awarded to me. I participated and we were governed by the rules on disposal when we conducted the auction.

I am now being represented by my highschool batchmate and good friend, Atty. Glenda Lim.

I am truly blessed because I know my God has not forsaken me. He allowed this to happen for reasons I am still to uncover. I just let Him govern me in this that I am facing.

The preliminary conference took place last July 3. And Atty. Lim was happy with the proceedings for everything went as she expected it to be. It was agreed upon that oral arguments be waived and instead, my lawyer was to submit a position paper. And they shall only argue on 4 issues.

Two days ago, I received the copy of the position paper from our legal service authored by the lawyer prosecuting this case. And for the first time since this case progressed, I broke down. I never knew it would be this dirty. The prosecutor, instead of dwelling on the merits of her case, assassinated my character. I have never experienced obliteration of my name in the nearly 10 years of my professional life. I had always maintained a vow to protect my name from any form of intrigues for my profession calls me to do so. I have always manifested professionalism in my duty as an Accountant and never have I encountered anybody who can describe me foul words. She had maligned me like I am a hard core corrupt employee of the government, when all I did was bid the highest amount. I belive the government even gained from my bid for I paid a much higher than the asking price. I am apalled by these legal officers for dwelling on this case I call petty, when there are far more corrupt officials in the government on whom they should focus.

My lawyer still has to submit our positin paper and I know that I am being defended by a very good lawyer. And I thank God for friends like her. She is not only my legal counsel, she also had consoled me in my time of anguish. My husband has also been very supportive through all these. I know that only God knows what will happen next and I certainly believe that justice will prevail.

There are challenges I face as of the moment. I am one person who confronts challenges head on. I don't take second chances. I win.I conquer

I have been in this Department that I work with for only more than two years now. I prayed and prayed so hard that I be given a chance to prove myself in this organization. Despite being young in an arena of much older people, I know i have done my part. I have performed my duties well, I know I have.

God has been good to me all these years. When I look back, I cannot recall any prayer left unanswered. I am amazed by his power and might! He has held my hand and has shown me the way. For if not for Him, where could I be.

Now that I am about to leave this position, I ppray for more guidance. I pray that my father shall bless every decision that me and my husband have to make. I pray that he leads us to where he wants us to be. He will be our guide. He will show us the way. The Lord God never fails and to HIm I entrust all that I have to do, now until the rest of my days.

Thank you Jesus for your shining presence in my life.

who could i trust?

this day and age.. people come and go in and out of our lives... whom could we trust??
in this day and age.. i can say no more...
i'm a victim of my own trustfulness...
i'm a victim of my own naivete..
it's my fault... i trusted them too much...
i fell prey to their sweet talk ...
i fell... but i will rise and show them
i will let them know... they can not put me down
not with my family by my side
not with God behind me...

they will see..