gloomy friday

Last Friday started as an unpleasant day. I had an argument with Tony. A petty one that made me irritable the rest of the day. I left the house without breakfast. I also had to travel for an out-of-town meeting. Which of course, turned out to be as dull as I expected. Fortunately the venue was a little refreshing located along a river. And of course, the food was also delectable, which compensated my boredom....

Interestingly, I saw the reason why I had to be in that meeting. I saw God's hand at work again for he allowed me to come to my colleague's defense. It was an issue of promotion. And the odds are against her. Luckily, I was there. I didn't hold my piece. I had to be heard, and I knew, what I said was noted. After a day of blabbering idiocities, the day came to an end.

Without a word from Tony , I also didn't bother to text him the whole day. Which of course I knew hurt him. But I wanted him to feel that I too was hurt by our early morning argument. I arrived home much later than I promised I would. My son was already sound asleep. Poor little Bryan! He actually got tired of waiting for his mommy to arrived. I didn't get the chance to say good night to him.

As I lay my weary mind to rest, many thoughts came to me. I was confused and was upset for no pleasantries took place as I arrived. Just a cold stare. I contemplated of my life ahead of me. Am I still willing to give my all? What if there is nothing left to give? What if my body gets tired and my bones grow too weary to work? How do I expect to be treated by people I expect to protect me?

I lay sleepless throughout the night as usual, for not even sleep can rest my weary mind.Only Bryan can give me the strength. Only Bryan matters.

haves and have nots

I have not..
... gone to work without kissing my darling Bryan and my hubby...
...slept for more than 4 straight hours at night since Bryan came to my life..
...bought a major wardrobe for myself in years...
...gone to work without thinking of my baby...
...been able to travel official in nature often because of family constraints...
...attended Sunday Mass in a long time (sorry Dear God, I pray that you forgive me for this)...
... saved money for my future. my present take home pay is just enough for my family's needs...
...been to the beach in years...
...settled my accounts with BIR...
...renewed my Accreditation as Tax Practitioner...

I have..
...often considered resigning from my present job...
...hypertension (I pray Lord God that you heal me from this ailment)...
...a wonderful family...
...no regrets in marrying my husband...
...searched and searched for new job opportunities...
...dreams of establishing a business to allow me more time to be with my son...
...a househelper who takes good care of my darling son...
...a home, warm enough to shelter me and my family...
...fear of what the future brings...
...a pending adminstrative case...

the apple of my eye

You are the sunshine that greets me each day. The pleasant morning breeze that
kisses my cheeks each time I wake up. Your voice and your laughter is the most melodious tune to my ears. You touch my heart with sheer affection. I have never known my heart can contain this much love till you came to this world.

My bundle of joy!!! The nucleus my existence!

I love you Bryan! I'll give everything I have to make you Happy!!

I am the proudest mama in the world!

happy birthday bebi

Tomorrow's your birthday, but I write this post now. A day before. For tomorrow, I shall spend the rest of the day with you. Cook a feast to celebrate your birthday. A day I denote as a special day.

Thank you for coming into my life. For teaching me to look at life with a different perspective.

For teaching me that there is nothing more important in this world but a happy and complete family. Not even riches on earth can make one happy.

For teaching me to be a good mother to Bryan.

And for just being you. Thank you.

I wish you happiness in all the things that you do. May you ever find joy in our life together and in this family that we have created.

I wish you good health. May you always have the strength and vigor to keep up with our growing kid and for the babies to come.

I wish you love. May you ever find love in your life.

I wish you providence. May the Lord up above bless the works of your hands so that every task you do shall be blessed and provide abundance for our family.

Above all, I wish you endurance. To be ever resilient to face the challenges of this life that we have.

I love you bebi! You are my everything!!!

My years being with you are the best years of my life.

thank you jen!

...for tending to Bryan while I'm at work...

..for your patience in watching over my baby...

... though you are tired of chores, you still manage to smile..

...and for just simply loving my Bryan like your own... thank you!

... you don't know how much I appreciated it.

... God will reward you for your goodness to my darling Bryan..

the heart of a mother

Yesterday was Mom's day.

I didn't really know what this day means until I became a mother myself.

I used to think that Mother's Day was just one day to let our mothers know how much we appreciate their efforts in making taking care their kids.

For me now, its more of a day of celebrating love.

Motherhood became me when I brought my Bryan into this world.

Now, I don't just know, I absolutely experience every meaning of the word "Mother."
From the moment I set my eyes on my Bryan,

the day I first cradled him into my arms,

I experienced an emotion I could not fathom.

I only know, my life will never be the same.

Never was it ever since!

There is nothing more rewarding on this earth than seeing my baby grow day by day.

Nothing is more gratifying to witmess that a little seed that has grown in my womb

is uhurriedly turning into an individual.

A life I brought to this world.

My whole world now revolves around this little family that I have created.

I now dare my existence with every urge to nurture Bryan will all my affection;

to bequeath him of all the love I have in my heart.

To shelter him from any form of harm.

To just simply love him til every bone in my body aches because I have given all of me.

I shall cradle him in my arms til he grows.

And when he gets older, and when he has to live his own life,

Like a bird with wings to spread and fly

And leave his mother's nest,

I will be right where he left me.

For when he needs me, I shall be there for him, to cradle him

to hold him, to mend his broken wings.

I will be a mother to him,

though he molds his own family,

to teach him to love,

to love him more so that his children shall grow how i raised him.

Forever, I will be a mother to you..

..Bryan

... and for the babies to come..

This is how I will love you.

ODE TO MY MAMA

Nobody ever loved me the way you do. No one ever cared for me the way you have. My mama... u inspire me in so many ways...

Words are not enough to let you know how proud I am to be your daughter. I love you mama!!! In my heart you are number one! Forever you will be my inspiration.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

MY SWEET INSPIRATION

This is quite a scene nowadays.

In an age where quite a handful of married couples stay married...

In an age where almost all relationships end up in the trash...

It's truly inspiring that these two people who have vowed forty years ago to stay together for the rest of their lives are living their vows! Contrary to stereotyped wedding scene, this couple's wedding 40 years ago was nothing extravagant. They kept it simple. A couple of guests and breakfast. That was it. No big celebrations, no expensive wedding gowns, not even an out-of-town honeymoon! Just them, close friends and their family.

But lo and behold!!! Forty years thereafter, here they are once again, together in front of the altar renewing their vows.

Unlike those celebrated weddings these days, where couples ( especially from showbiz!) announce to the whole wide world that they are very much in love and that they wanted to stay together for the rest of their lives yadah.. yadah.. yadah..., my parents knew better than that.

My parents' wedding forty years ago was an intimate celebration of their love and loyatly to one another. No need to dine in a fancy restaurants, no video coverage. Only simple pictures they took to remind them of that precious moment. Something they can share with their children and their grandchildren, and maybe great grand children, that theirs was a genuine love. And that they walked down the aisle with every intention to keep their vows to God alive.

It inspires me to know that my parents have chosen to stay together despite their differences. Others might have given up, but these two chose to stand by each other all these years.

I myself being married for only two years find it really difficult to be in this thing called marriage. The first few months was really a challenge for me. My husband's views are far different from mine. Discussions end up in a huge fight and I end up crying and wanting to stay away from him. So immature of me! It came a few times that i wanted to leave because i thought i've had enough. First year and i give up. During my parents' 40th Anniversary celebration, I came to realize that a good marriage is nothing like a dish served on a silver platter. It is nurtured by lots of love, caring and understanding. Even my parents' marriage was far from perfect. They too had their own share of ups and downs. What really amazes me, is how they both rise up from every storm they come across along their journey. A happy marriage is what we make it! It's how we nurture each other and how much we put to it rather than how much we get from it.

Congratulations Mom and Dad!!!

You are inspiration not just to us your children but to many people and many families to nurture and love each other til they grow old. We love you and we are so proud of our family.

Yes, Tony and I still have a long way to go. But I know for sure that we will stay together for the rest of our lives. Just as we vowed 2 years ago. Forty years is a long way, what is important is how we nurture our love to blossom and teach our children, and our children's children to do the same!!

MONDAY MADNESS

I left home today with a heavy heart... I again left my baby to the care of his yaya. Left him crying and asking me and his daddy to stay. He wanted to sit on his daddy's lap while daddy drove. Poor little Bryan. How i wish i could spend more time with you, son. I wish i never have to leave you.

I came to work today with a heavy heart. I don't know what the future brings. I don't know what lies ahead. I only know that whatever happens, it is God's will. I leave everything to God's almighty name.

who could i trust?

this day and age.. people come and go in and out of our lives... whom could we trust??
in this day and age.. i can say no more...
i'm a victim of my own trustfulness...
i'm a victim of my own naivete..
it's my fault... i trusted them too much...
i fell prey to their sweet talk ...
i fell... but i will rise and show them
i will let them know... they can not put me down
not with my family by my side
not with God behind me...

they will see..

WHAT I LIVE FOR

MY ALL..

These are two of the most important people in my life... They are the reason I am alive. They are the essence of my existence.