Jun 7, 2010
... its how you recover when things fail that counts..
I posted this in Facebook just today.
It is a gist of two life changing events that were supposed to happen but did not.
Two things failed.
First is my application to be an instructor in my Alma Mater did not materialize. I was assured by the Dept Head but suddenly things started to turn against me.
I tendered my resignation with high hopes of a better future not just for me but for my son, and maybe kids to come...
Which leads to the second yet more painful downfall.My failure to conceive. We have been on this fertility work up, though we were on our first cycle, I have kept my hopes high, because we have prayed and prayed so hard for another bundle of joy yet this seem to be something out of our reach.
I could not yet fathom God's plan but all I can do now is keep still and let God be in control.
It has been a struggle for me to come to work everyday. Not because I didn't want to come to work but because of domestic reasons. It's one of the many reasons that I just want to be home with my son. But none of it is going the way I planned.
I guess my plans are not in consonance with God's plan. And maybe even if it is, it is not the proper time. I succumb to God's greatness and power over all that is around me.
You O Lord know everything and will always be in control of my life. To you I give back all the honor and glory.
It is a gist of two life changing events that were supposed to happen but did not.
Two things failed.
First is my application to be an instructor in my Alma Mater did not materialize. I was assured by the Dept Head but suddenly things started to turn against me.
I tendered my resignation with high hopes of a better future not just for me but for my son, and maybe kids to come...
Which leads to the second yet more painful downfall.My failure to conceive. We have been on this fertility work up, though we were on our first cycle, I have kept my hopes high, because we have prayed and prayed so hard for another bundle of joy yet this seem to be something out of our reach.
I could not yet fathom God's plan but all I can do now is keep still and let God be in control.
It has been a struggle for me to come to work everyday. Not because I didn't want to come to work but because of domestic reasons. It's one of the many reasons that I just want to be home with my son. But none of it is going the way I planned.
I guess my plans are not in consonance with God's plan. And maybe even if it is, it is not the proper time. I succumb to God's greatness and power over all that is around me.
You O Lord know everything and will always be in control of my life. To you I give back all the honor and glory.
May 14, 2010
May 12, 2010
just today, i learned this: The weak cannot forgive, forgiveness is the attribute of the strong-Mahatma Gandhi
I know I have been keeping grudges in my heart. And for a long time, I have not been truly fair to all around me. I have been hard on others. Thinking that if they can hurt me, I can hurt them more. And this grudge became hatred. Hatred for a person I know I can't erase from my life. A person, which, because of my impetuous decisions, I can not pretend to not exist. And by this, things have become rough.
I developed hypertension due to stressors not only found in my workplace but also at home as well.
Everything is smooth now because the boy is away. And if he comes back for this school year, I want to have a change. I know that it is a difficult step but I also learned the distance doesn't matter, the most difficult thing to do is to take the first step!
So now I want to make the first step. And I hope all things will follow.
I know I have been keeping grudges in my heart. And for a long time, I have not been truly fair to all around me. I have been hard on others. Thinking that if they can hurt me, I can hurt them more. And this grudge became hatred. Hatred for a person I know I can't erase from my life. A person, which, because of my impetuous decisions, I can not pretend to not exist. And by this, things have become rough.
I developed hypertension due to stressors not only found in my workplace but also at home as well.
Everything is smooth now because the boy is away. And if he comes back for this school year, I want to have a change. I know that it is a difficult step but I also learned the distance doesn't matter, the most difficult thing to do is to take the first step!
So now I want to make the first step. And I hope all things will follow.
May 11, 2010
May 7, 2010
thinking out loud
I haven't truly known the word mother until i came to be one. All I know is that a mother is one who should take care of her offspring. But now, I know that to care for your offspring is giving your entire life to your child.
I came to realize that a mother's love forms and transforms a child into what a persons will become. I know that now and I am doing the very best I can to mold my child into what God wants him to be.
It just frustrates me that some mothers really do not give a damn about their kids. Do you think that you can surrogate your presence by giving your child material things? A play station maybe? Or change his cellphone each time you see him at least once a month? What good would that bring a child? If you give him a toy, such a play station and not be able to guide him, don't you think you have given away his future?
How can a mother stand not being with her child and be with the company of barkadas, going to gimiks every moment she got? What values are you teaching your child if you go on dating some random married guy? While your son is left with somebody else 's supervision and does not even give a damn about personal hygiene and good manners? Isn't this basic in parenting? What have you done? I can see this kid's future being thrown down the drain. Believe me when I tell you, you have just molded him to be a useless citizen in this society... Just another human garbage adding up to the already many problems this country is facing..
I came to realize that a mother's love forms and transforms a child into what a persons will become. I know that now and I am doing the very best I can to mold my child into what God wants him to be.
It just frustrates me that some mothers really do not give a damn about their kids. Do you think that you can surrogate your presence by giving your child material things? A play station maybe? Or change his cellphone each time you see him at least once a month? What good would that bring a child? If you give him a toy, such a play station and not be able to guide him, don't you think you have given away his future?
How can a mother stand not being with her child and be with the company of barkadas, going to gimiks every moment she got? What values are you teaching your child if you go on dating some random married guy? While your son is left with somebody else 's supervision and does not even give a damn about personal hygiene and good manners? Isn't this basic in parenting? What have you done? I can see this kid's future being thrown down the drain. Believe me when I tell you, you have just molded him to be a useless citizen in this society... Just another human garbage adding up to the already many problems this country is facing..
May 6, 2010
thoughts of a tot
Today, I just realized that my son is still not at ease with our new helper. It has been ateast one month now since our helper for 10 months left us. And now, my little one has to deal with a new "yaya."
This is one experience I have always encountered, that each time a yaya bids farewell, my son is the most affected. I too share the pain of having to say goodbye to somebody who has taken good care of my son while I go to work each day. It is by instinct that my son for sure feels happy, safe and secure with the yaya who stays with him when I'm off to work. Day by day, my son learns to feel close and almost love his yaya as he loves his mama for I know, the most essential part of the day, are spent with the yaya.
With our previous yaya, Bryan seemed to be instantly bonded with her. Without much adjustment, he wanted to be fed by her and to be near her. I was not at all troubled that he would not want to be left alone the hose with yaya. Adjustment came to easily from day one. He would permit her to sleep by his side so he could have his afternoon naps. This is why, my heart broke when she told me that she is leaving our household to pursue her studies. Well, I couldn't say no. Who am I to hinder her to have a bright future. And I knew, I would find another baby sitter for my baby.
The replacement yaya arrived one month ago. And although I have talked to my son that her old yaya has left us, and a new ate will come to take care of him when I go to work, he had not been as close to this new yaya as he has with the old one. I just thought that he was in getting to know you stage. He might be figuring out how to act with her. I noticed, he didn't ask her to carry him, He doesn't knock on her room to say goodnight as he did with the previous "ate". I also noticed that he doesn't want her near him during his afternoon naps. I found out yesterday as I came home earlier than usual. I found him sleeping on his own, in an almost sitting position with a big pillow in his back as if he had just fallen asleep from watching TV.
This broke my heart and as I realized that he would take his nap on his own. Much more, it came to my mind that he still is not at ease with her. I just began to imagine how it felt like staying with a stranger at home helpless as there is only much that he could do.
He woke up as I attempted to fix him in a lying position to relax him and not hurt his back. But instantly, he jump wide awake as he was happy to see that I was home earlier than the usual.
I couldn't help but ask, is this the way you sleep every afternoon? His yaya said yes.. He doesn't want the pillows touched neither does he want to be moved because it would wake him and make him grouchy all afternoon. It was such a surprise to me. All the while I had been thinking that he was sleeping peacefully each afternoon.
Now I learned that he forces himself to sleep without anybody putting him to sleep. Which is quite odd because in his three and a half years of existence, he never went to sleep alone, always, he would ask me or his ate to hold his bottle for him while he drinks his milk. This is how he goes to sleep ever since i can remember.
Perplexed, I asked him,why he doesn't like ate to be near him so he could sleep in a much better position, and he answered me.."hindi sya maganda!"
Much to my surprise! Nobody ever taught him what is beautiful and whats not! Does this kid know what he is talking about? My husband and I stared at each other in amazement and my husband said, "may taste yang anak mo." Hay naku mag-ama nga sila!!!
This is one experience I have always encountered, that each time a yaya bids farewell, my son is the most affected. I too share the pain of having to say goodbye to somebody who has taken good care of my son while I go to work each day. It is by instinct that my son for sure feels happy, safe and secure with the yaya who stays with him when I'm off to work. Day by day, my son learns to feel close and almost love his yaya as he loves his mama for I know, the most essential part of the day, are spent with the yaya.
With our previous yaya, Bryan seemed to be instantly bonded with her. Without much adjustment, he wanted to be fed by her and to be near her. I was not at all troubled that he would not want to be left alone the hose with yaya. Adjustment came to easily from day one. He would permit her to sleep by his side so he could have his afternoon naps. This is why, my heart broke when she told me that she is leaving our household to pursue her studies. Well, I couldn't say no. Who am I to hinder her to have a bright future. And I knew, I would find another baby sitter for my baby.
The replacement yaya arrived one month ago. And although I have talked to my son that her old yaya has left us, and a new ate will come to take care of him when I go to work, he had not been as close to this new yaya as he has with the old one. I just thought that he was in getting to know you stage. He might be figuring out how to act with her. I noticed, he didn't ask her to carry him, He doesn't knock on her room to say goodnight as he did with the previous "ate". I also noticed that he doesn't want her near him during his afternoon naps. I found out yesterday as I came home earlier than usual. I found him sleeping on his own, in an almost sitting position with a big pillow in his back as if he had just fallen asleep from watching TV.
This broke my heart and as I realized that he would take his nap on his own. Much more, it came to my mind that he still is not at ease with her. I just began to imagine how it felt like staying with a stranger at home helpless as there is only much that he could do.
He woke up as I attempted to fix him in a lying position to relax him and not hurt his back. But instantly, he jump wide awake as he was happy to see that I was home earlier than the usual.
I couldn't help but ask, is this the way you sleep every afternoon? His yaya said yes.. He doesn't want the pillows touched neither does he want to be moved because it would wake him and make him grouchy all afternoon. It was such a surprise to me. All the while I had been thinking that he was sleeping peacefully each afternoon.
Now I learned that he forces himself to sleep without anybody putting him to sleep. Which is quite odd because in his three and a half years of existence, he never went to sleep alone, always, he would ask me or his ate to hold his bottle for him while he drinks his milk. This is how he goes to sleep ever since i can remember.
Perplexed, I asked him,why he doesn't like ate to be near him so he could sleep in a much better position, and he answered me.."hindi sya maganda!"
Much to my surprise! Nobody ever taught him what is beautiful and whats not! Does this kid know what he is talking about? My husband and I stared at each other in amazement and my husband said, "may taste yang anak mo." Hay naku mag-ama nga sila!!!
Feb 25, 2010
my son at threee years old
my son is truly fascinated with the band journey...
At his early age, he can sing the entire song with total performance and showmanship. I won't be surprised if one day he would do something big for himself..
Rock on my son!!!
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