goodbye legarda office

i feel nostalgic having to say goodbye to the small office tony and i have stated back in 2005.

We have finally decided to close it down.

It was the start of a dream we had back then.

8 years it was and that small office has seen better days.....

Thanks for that cozy nook we spent on for a couple of years.

Now, its time to say goodbye

We are finally closing it down. After 2 years of keeping it alive.

But with high hopes that we could someday go back and operate it again...

some painful experience

It could be one of the most painful experience when someone, especially someone close to you tries to put you down. Yes, its sad that the people you expect to be there to help you in times of need are the ones who will try to put you down in times you need them the most. I have realized that not all people would really be ready to give you a hand when you are in need no matter who they are or no matter who you are to them. Looking back, I have always been a person who would go the extra mile to lend a helping hand to those whom I know would need any form of help. While I was in college, I have often helped my eldest sister babysit her child. I had to put off teenage gallivanting and strolls at session road because I needed to be home early so my sister could do her laundry while I baby sit her child. When I started earning on my own, I have always thought of my siblings. I wanted to always help them in any way I can. When my eldest sister's second child was confined in the hospital, I remember being there for here to help her either financially or emotionally. Same when she gave birth to her 3 child justin. I have always wanted to hurry home from my faraway work place to be able to take care of the baby. When I was assigned in TESDA Regional office, I volunteered to bring my niece to her school before I go to work. Which would mean that I had to go to town and forth to Loakan just so I could help my sister. In my early days at TESDA, i was earning a good sum because I was single. And it was specifically the same time my twin was taking her board exam. I would send her some of my own money for her allowance while she reviewed in Manila to help ease the financial difficulties of being away. The emotional difficulty, I know is out of my control. But to me somehow, if I could help, I would, even if they don't ask for it. I give, I help. Not needing and expecting in return. I never wait for thank yous. Just seeing them shed off a little bit of that burden, is reward enough for me. I saw my employment with DSWD to be of more help to people not only close to me but those who present themselves as needing of assistance. In the days when my father was for surgery for prostate excision, I opted to take a leave to be available to my family. I wanted to be there when they need me. My son, who was also being prepared for his own surgery was left with my yaya. I knew that at this time, I had to sacrifice a little bit of my time to be with my mother to take care of my father. I took it upon myself to seek medical assistance with DSWD at that time because I knew my mother would have difficulty regarding the finances on my father's operation. Not a single time would I have asked them to thank me. Back in 2005, my twin sister had to leave the country for a business trip. She was suffering anxieties as she had to leave her newborn to the care of her yaya whom she could not really trust. I volunteered to be the baby sitter of her baby and supervise her 2 yaya's while she was away. In 2007, my brother's wife gave birth to their second child. My brother could not go out to buy food for himself because his wife was too weak after the major CS operation. I only second guessed that he would be too hungry after hours of waiting on his patient. My husband and I brought him food even when he didn't ask for it. In December of 2007 also, my brother suffered a major injury in the plant where he was working. His fingers were caught in a machine that almost severed his finger. He had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency medical intervention.I knew I had to be there for him and his family so I sought the help of DSWD for financial assistance. My sister - in - law got the assistance after that to somehow ease the financial burden. My mother -in-law's eyes started to deteriorate and so I again had to bring her to an ophthalmologist. My husband's grandchild angel also suffered eye problems so I brought her to the doctor for eye correction. She too needed to wear correctional eyeglasses. I had to buy them their eyeglasses. Who else would they expect to do that? My sister-in-law's father also suffered health problems and so my sister-in-law came to me to seek financial assistance with DSWD. I assisted her so she can be interviewed and I informed her that she might need to come back a few days to get the assistance she needed. I told her to bring the requirements necessary. I have done this with our neighbors in where I grew up in the community where I live now. I never asked them to thank me for the help I had done. Even when I had to make personal follow-ups of their claims so that they would get the cash needed at the time they need it most. I never made them feel inadequate for not asking how this thing or that thing works or how they could avail of the assistance. I never had to elaborate what I had to do for them just so they would thank me. Never! Never!I just served them and helped them the best way I can without expecting even a small thank you in return. My list could go on and on. Why am i saying all of these? Its not to lift my own bench as some would think. It's also not to brag about how I helped people because I never ever do that. I mean these little things that I have done happened so long ago already. I never wanted to bring this up so to just put a show. I just wanted to share this because I know in one way or another, one might learn from it. That to help, you should not even tell people that you are helping. Much more, never expect anything in return. I had my share of this when someone tried to put me down when I was asking for a little helping hand, I was devastated. I was seeking advise regarding my business and that person, whom I have helped in so many ways had to make me feel inadequate. Just because I was asking somethings a little bit too late doesn't give her the authority to malign me. I also never expected that I had to thank her for something that she did but did not even materialize or come close to closing a deal with my client. I am really offended. I know I do not deserve to be treated that way and I know I haven't done anything to deserve to get the kind of treatment accorded to me. But well, people are just people.Who knows when they will need our help again. I hope they don't get the same treatment.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

May all your dreams come true!!!

I can do all things by the grace of God who strengthens me.

There have been too many challenges I have been facing lately. From the start of this year, until today, as the year gears towards its end. I seem not to run out of these challenges.

At work, the year was greeted with so much controversies of the year that was. A case brew with my office mates that ended up with formal investigations and show cause orders. 11 months and several affidavits thereafter,the result of the case is still unclear.

At the time that these things were happening, a suit was filed for damages against me and 7 others. Case is at the court of appeals pending decision after an MOR was filed against its outright dismissal.

This year I also got pregnant and my health was tested to its limits.

Hypertension challenged this pregnancy aside from myoma and recurring UTI.

I am blessed to have delivered a healthy baby. Blood pressure has normalized and myoma uteri have also shrinked. Today, I am back to work with a 3 month old baby to whom i leave to the care of a baby sitter

Leaving the care to another person, especially if not a relative is a challenge if it doesn't push one's patience to the limits. This is why I keep praying for God's grace to give me more patience as it is fastly wearing thin.

I just try to be grateful that someone is looking after my child.

I also also find balancing my career and household management a challenge. Those who are in my shoes would agree with me on this. Its either you organize your house and everything in it in the morning or be late for work.

My children's health were also challenged just recently for respiratory infections. It was a nightmare. But I am thankful that this is behind us.

My son also has been tardy for his class. I am worried that the school would send a memo for us because of his increasing number of tardiness in school. His punctuality has been sacrificed since I went back to work. I am also not sure if he is fed well before he leaves the house. There are numerous reasons to be late but there are also numerous ways to avoid being late. My heart breaks because of this. There should be no excuse for him to be late for work . It could not be his fault that he is late. It is the fault of the one bringing him to school. I also worry of the effect that this have on him if he is habitually tardy. He might later learn that it is just ok to be late and not value the time of others. I wish he would be more punctual. I wish there aren't excuses for him not to be so.

If only I could divide myself in two. If only half of my body could come to work and half of it be at home to care for the needs of my baby and my pre schooler.

There are things that need to be improved and I wish that I have more time for my son. To be there for him and prepare him for school, cook his baon and all.

But there is just so much that I can do. I wish I could do more.

With God's grace, I can do more.

I pray for God's continious grace as he sees me through all these challenges. I entrust to him everything that I have. Just as how he has carried me through the delivery of trina, i trust that he will carry me through all these. For He is my strength.

a year gone by

It's more than a year since my last post here.
So much has happened and so much has changed yet so much remain quite the same.
I'm still working in this office,
I still want to practice free lance,

15 months from my previous post, I am now a mother of two! Yes, my bouncing baby girl came to this world via CS on August 10, 2011.
And life is never sweeter. Despite the complications both both pregnancy and delivery, Life is beautiful.

Sure, Im again into my second bout of sleepless nights, I am again late for work because I just can't leave the house. I want hold my baby in arms so much.Middle of the night feedings, early morning waking with only an hour of sleep. It was five years ago when I went through this cycle with my first child. I am amazed now as i look at him how fast time flew. I could still vividly remember how I cuddled him and rocked him to sleep each night until he turned one. Now, he is five and i wonder where time went, he is now in school.
Bryan, my baby turned five yesterday.

Now, with my second baby, I am again trying to survive motherhood and my day job. But today, things are far more different in the workplace. I am more understood by the big boss, I am not compelled to travel and leave my newborn. I am more relaxed in the office but my mind is still with my baby. I am barely 2 weeks out of my maternity leave and anxiety is so much that I just want to run home and hold my baby.

So much have changed yet things are just the same!!!

Welcome to my life, darling Trina! Mommy can't get you out of her mind! I love yo dearly.

..just taking a deep breath...

... its how you recover when things fail that counts..

I posted this in Facebook just today.

It is a gist of two life changing events that were supposed to happen but did not.

Two things failed.

First is my application to be an instructor in my Alma Mater did not materialize. I was assured by the Dept Head but suddenly things started to turn against me.

I tendered my resignation with high hopes of a better future not just for me but for my son, and maybe kids to come...

Which leads to the second yet more painful downfall.My failure to conceive. We have been on this fertility work up, though we were on our first cycle, I have kept my hopes high, because we have prayed and prayed so hard for another bundle of joy yet this seem to be something out of our reach.

I could not yet fathom God's plan but all I can do now is keep still and let God be in control.

It has been a struggle for me to come to work everyday. Not because I didn't want to come to work but because of domestic reasons. It's one of the many reasons that I just want to be home with my son. But none of it is going the way I planned.

I guess my plans are not in consonance with God's plan. And maybe even if it is, it is not the proper time. I succumb to God's greatness and power over all that is around me.

You O Lord know everything and will always be in control of my life. To you I give back all the honor and glory.